When Silence Speaks

by Dr. Jim Miller

Research shows that as much as 90% of what we communicate is nonverbal. We’ve understood the importance of nonverbal cues since we were children. Parents and teachers reminded us that “it’s not what you say; it’s how you say it.” We were told to walk with our shoulders back and our chins up or to look our elders in the eyes when speaking. Our parents knew what communication scholars have been reporting for decades: When words and nonverbal messages contradict, people usually trust the nonverbal.

As leaders, it’s essential that we understand the significance of nonverbal communication, both in others and in ourselves. In my own work, I try to practice three disciplines in my communication: observe, align and create.

Observe the Nonverbal Cues of Others

I learned to observe the nonverbal behaviors of others in the classroom during my 20-year teaching career. Any teacher worth their salt knows when they’ve connected with students and when they’ve lost them. If students are falling asleep, it’s time to adjust the teaching strategy!

In the workplace, I apply the same practice. In meetings, for example, I watch for signs of disengagement, including restlessness, side conversations and subtle shifts in posture or distant stares. When I see these cues, I know it’s time to ask a better question or move to a fresh topic if the previous one is exhausted. Leaders who can effectively read the room and see what’s not being said will be better equipped to inspire their teams toward excellence.

Align Your Own Nonverbal Messages

My favorite baseball player growing up was Willie McGee of the St. Louis Cardinals. He once said there are two kinds of people in the world: those who light up a room when they walk in and those who light up a room when they walk out. We’ve all met people who drain energy from a room.

That’s why leaders must not only pay attention to the nonverbal cues of others but also stay aware of their own nonverbal messages. Self-awareness is perhaps the most important characteristic of successful people.

The Primacy Effect tells us that first impressions are the longest lasting and the hardest to overcome. Body language is the primary basis for those impressions. As a leader, I want every interaction to feel like a first impression, one that leaves my colleagues feeling encouraged, respected and able to trust me. Eye contact, smiling and a warm, open presence are powerful nonverbal behaviors that leaders should intentionally cultivate.

Create Space Through Silence

Finally, leaders must learn to create spaces of silence. Too often, we equate communication only with how well we speak. Listening, however, may be the most important communication practice we can develop.

Research shows that employees who feel heard are five times more likely to feel empowered to perform at their best. If leaders do all the talking, they miss the chance to hear valuable feedback that could strengthen team culture and performance.

Listening involves silence, patience and giving others space to think and articulate their ideas. I’ve always appreciated the Chinese character for “listening.” It’s a logogram, a written symbol that illustrates the word’s meaning. Within the character are elements representing the ear (to hear), the eyes (to see the other person), the mind (to process thoughtfully) and the heart (to connect with emotion). As leaders, we must create spaces for silence where our colleagues can find and use their voices. And then we must listen with our whole selves.

Conclusion: Leading Beyond Words

Our words matter, but our nonverbal communication often carries the louder message. This week, I present three challenges to you:

Observe the nonverbals of others and interpret what they might mean.
Reflect on your own nonverbal communication. Are you sending the messages you want?
Create space for silence so you can truly listen to your colleagues.

Leaders who master these disciplines will build stronger teams and create cultures of excellence.

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When Silence Speaks

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