Setbacks and Bull Rides: Embracing “Plan B”

By Dave Baker, PCC

Palmetto Leadership Center and Coaching Faculty

Twenty years after riding a bull for my fortieth birthday, I still remember being thrown to the dirt. Though I’d been hanging on for almost six seconds, I couldn’t hold on any longer, not after “Redneck” suddenly took a sharp turn to the inside. In that instant, the ride was over. The disappointment was real.

So what? Now what?

I had done the best I could. An 8-second ride was the goal, but I fell short.

My choices were to be angry, to cry foul, to make excuses, or to be grateful for the opportunity — to choose to try again or even high-five the bull’s owner for providing me with a great opponent. The choices we make in our setbacks set the trajectory for the course of our lives.

When I nodded my head for the gate to open, I was fearful of instantly being thrown to the ground. Everyone who had come to see me would be disappointed, and my one and only opportunity to ride a bull with such fanfare would be dashed in a moment, not to mention the risk of severe injury.

That one-time bull-ride taught me more than I realized at the time. Yes, it was a bucket-list item, my first and only time to experience that thrill and adrenaline. Literally being tied down onto the back of a 1500-pound bull — a creature whose sole objective in life was to eject me then stomp me — was exhilarating. Nothing has topped it thus far.

Little did I know how it would prepare me for challenges that came later in life, challenges I needed to examine with practicality on a regular basis. Regardless of the challenge or the circumstance, I’ve learned that how we respond is a key to good leadership.

How we show up matters.

Let’s consider, how do our colleagues characterize us? Are we seen as temperamental? Resilient? Discerning? Reactive? How we are characterized sets the stage for how others prepare, anticipate, and respond when we enter a room. Self-management is important because managing our own responses must come before we try to manage others. Self-management is an essential yet elusive leadership skill.

In our life’s “bull-ride” we will inevitably get thrown to the ground at some point. Not if, but when we do, how will we respond? How will we show up?

There are three things I learned from that bull-ride that directly affect how I show up:

1. Gratitude

Regardless of our circumstances, choosing to be grateful rather than bitter results in a more joyful spirit. Who is the most joyful person you can think of right now? What leads you to believe that? There is a high likelihood they are filled with gratitude.

How frequently have you heard them use the words deserved, owed, or entitled in their language? I’m guessing the answer is not often.

During a difficult season in my life, a colleague challenged me with a gratitude exercise I want to share with you:

Document 3 things you are grateful for from the previous 24 hours.
Do this for the next 30 days.
Do not repeat any item — ever.

I was skeptical at first, but about 10 days into the exercise I began thinking and feeling differently. Thirty days turned into more than 2 years of me eager to do this every day! I have documented more than 2,000 things I am grateful for. Practicing and documenting gratitude completely changed my mindset. Gratitude. A game-changer. A life-changer.

There is always something to be grateful for. Always.

2. Goals over Expectations

I have taken the word expectation out of my vocabulary and replaced it with words like goal, desire, or intent.

Here’s why.

If I expect something to happen and, in fact, it does, I tend to be less grateful because that’s what I expected to happen. In contrast, if I expect something to occur, and it does not, it only leads to disappointment, a feeling of failure, or even feelings of disgust.

Neither outcome leads us down a path of gratitude.

On the other hand, whether my goal, desire, or intent is met with success or not, I can still be grateful, joyful, and content. Grateful for the opportunity, grateful for what I learned, grateful for other things in which I have succeeded.

3. Fear

In 2 Timothy 1:7, we learn that our Creator did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and self-control. Fear is crippling and robs us of our joy, peace, and patience. When I have been fearful, I can trace it back to a root cause of one or more of these sources:

fear of loss
fear of failure
fear of rejection
fear of the unknown (disguised as what-if’s’).

When we can identify the source of our fear, when we can unpack it, the power it holds diminishes. Understanding and labeling fear to further dissect it — this puts us well on our way to overcoming it. Test it, and experience a new-found freedom.

Finally, let’s consider how we show up and face challenges. Each of us is coming out of a challenge, currently facing one, or on the verge entering one. In any circumstance, we can choose to engage with gratitude, avoid the expectations trap, and leverage our fear.

Twenty years after Redneck tossed me to the ground, I am convinced that how we respond in the face of disappointment is important.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV

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Setbacks and Bull Rides: Embracing “Plan B”

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